Re: [Harp-L] Michalek Blues

[David Payne <dave@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

I have thought about Chris for years. I think I have been able to figure him out.
Chris was an extremely talented player, a very uniquely talented player and it was a bit unfortunate that Howard Levy had paved much of that way before him, but he had the talent
to be so much more than he was. I think he had some hard feelings about that. I got the same impression about insecurity that Matt did, but I think I know what ties everything together..
There were several private moments - combined with the public ones we all know where he ruthlessly bullied people on forums - that developed my picture of who Chris was as a person. 
At SPAH 2010, he handed me a harmonica he'd done. It played like butter. I tried to play an overdraw on it - I don't think he expected me to do that since I'm a bluegrass player - 
and you should have seen the look on his face when I tried that overdraw and it wouldn't come in. He said "That harp is not set up for overdraws!" and he had this look of pure horror
on his face and quickly took the harp back. It was a reaction so unexpected, I've got almost a video of it I can play in mind. It really struck me. That's the insecurity.
At the same SPAH, he and Brad had a long talk in the parking lot of the hotel. Brad was always excited when he talked about the harmonica and he really enjoyed talking to Chris. 
Brad was usually a good listener. From my experiences with him, when you talked to him, he was listening for ideas that were good and if they weren't, he would try to steer your
ideas into something good and make you think the whole new idea was purely your idea, even though he'd shaped it. I never knew him to be dismissive when presented with ideas. 
After that meeting, Chris was saying publicly that he had given all these ideas to Brad about making the B-radical better and we'd all be seeing those coming up in the B-radical. 
But none of those ideas Chris had were ever implemented, or even seriously considered for implementation. They were just talking, but Chris came back with a different picture. 
We never corrected him, publicly or privately. We just let it go. Since he died not long after, I'm glad we didn't. 
First time I ever talked to Chris: Jason was telling me about Chris, probably because I was complaining about him. Jason said "he's not really like that in person." So I got Chris' number from
Jason and gave him a call. The first thing out of my mouth was a question I was sure his reaction to would give me my answer.   
I told Chris "You've always come across to me as an extreme a...hole, but Jason says you're not like that in person. I wanted to call you and see if he was right."
What did Chris say to that? He laughed. He really laughed. No narcissist would have done that. I can say with confidence he was not one.
So he laughed and then we had a great conversation about a great many harmonica things. I was surprised at the respect he showed me. A couple of years later, I met him at SPAH. He was
 genuinely nice to me. He was at the SPAH 2010 Pancake Summit that went on till 4 a.m., it was me, Mike Fugazzi, Dave Grebin, Chris, Joe Leone and somebody else. The night 
consisted of pancakes and Joe Leone telling this hilarious yarns. Oh my god, Joe was in his best form that night. We were roaring in laughter. Joe's stories were the funniest ever
told. Joe was IN THE ZONE! He told the story of The Exploding Italian Donkey from when he was a kid and it was the funniest story I have ever heard in my life.. Joe kept apologizing 
the whole time, because he loved that donkey so, but his love for this donkey made the story only the more funnier when it finally exploded.
Oh my, we were laughing so hard at Joe's stories. My side hurt. My cheeks hurt. 
 Everybody was laughing so hard. Except Chris. He sat there quietly, nervously. I could see the insecurity in him. It was so unusual. Joe's tales were an absolute funny. Space aliens
could not have restrained their laughter. Chris thought it all funny, because I could see him smile occasionally. But he had no idea how to react in that situation. To him, I think, Joe was the 
alpha male (a very alien concept to Joe), but Joe was treating his beta dogs with kindness. I think that whole situation was alien to Chris and made him uncomfortable.
Then there was the comb test at SPAH 2010. He was a different person then. Very aggressive. Very bellicose. I know I was thinking "Chris, will you just shut the hell up, so they can do the test?"
From putting all these various incidents together, I have constructed a hypothesis about Chris Michalek. I have noticed that his behavior in each of these situations followed a set and very predicatable pattern. 
All of the negative actions were done with him as part of a group. Each of the positive experiences were not. Thus, I came to the following conclusion:
Chris was an alpha dog. It's that simple. If you take everything you know about Chris, and put in the context of him living by the code of an alpha male, it all makes sense. You can see 
it in his raising of pit bulls, how he trained them and his devotion to those dogs. He really loved those dogs. He was a good dog trainer. He understood dogs and I think he thought like dogs
 do - that there is one in the group that must dominate the others. That was the real Chris, the man who loved and trained his pit bulls. I really believe that was the world that made sense to him 
and I think establishing that alpha dominance was what helped him with his insecurities.
So on the forums, he considered himself the alpha male and presented himself in a way to maintain that status, constantly dominating the beta dogs. To him, his meeting with Brad was a friendly
meeting with two alpha dogs. That was a very alien concept to Brad, so there was misunderstanding.  
When I talked to him on the phone, or anytime I talked to him in private, or when we met in person, that was not a group, so you didn't see that alpha male side. His being unable to enjoy with
Joe so in the zone, was because Joe was the undisputed king of humor. Not laughing till your sides split at Joe Leone's story of The Exploding Italian Donkey is definitely a sign of internal turmoil - Joe was that much in the zone. No man can be the alpha male around such a strong, kind and genuine personality as Joe Leone in the rarest of forms, telling his stories. He had no clue how 
to react socially in that situation. 
I think that is the true Chris Michalek and I think if y'all will think of him that way, EVERYTHING will make sense. 
 

David Payne
www.elkriverharmonicas.com