[Harp-L] How To Become A Blues Musician

["Ronald Tuffel" <Ronald_Tuffel@xxxxxxxx>]

Hey Ya'll'

Just what you're all waiting for on Harp-L. The definitive info on "How To
Become a Blues Musician" Read it and weep! Enjoy it! I recently received a
Sonny Jr. "Cruncher"! Seriously, a magnificent piece of
harp-work-artistry! I have practiced with it for over a  week and played
two very soft gigs that got compliments from audience and band. The true
test, a larger audience and venue are at hand. So, far this amplifier has
exceeded my expectations and I have already owned and played an SJ410 for
three years. The SJ410 is the most versatile amp ever made, especially
when you know how to "tube-it" or when SJ marches you through the
instruction-direction phase and you understand the multiple possibilities.
(YOU need to know who you are as a harp player, first!)
But, when I have all the info I'll lay it all out for you. And, give
settings, exact room and projection sizes and surfaces, specific stuff, so
you can get the true idea of what this amp can do. I like you want "the
truth and nothin' but the truth" and real and usable info!

Ronny T alias "Rockin' Ronny"


 *How to become a blues musician:*

  1. Most Blues begin "Woke up this mornin'..."

  2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you  
stick something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good woman,  
with the meanest face in town."

  3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat  
it.  Then find something that rhymes... sort of: "Got a good woman  
with the meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the  
meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher, and she weigh  
500 pound."

  4. The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck  
in a ditch - ain't no way out.

  5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks.  
Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most  
Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet  
aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running.  
Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to  
die.

  6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet.  
Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough  
to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

  7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any  
place in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably  
just clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are  
still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in  
any place that don't get rain.

  8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with  
male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cause you were skiing is  
not the blues. Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator be chomping on it  
is.

  9. You can't have no Blues in a office or a shopping mall. The  
lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.

  10. Good places for the Blues: a. highway b. jailhouse c. empty bed  
d. bottom of a whiskey glass.

  Bad places for the Blues: a. Nordstrom's b. gallery openings c. Ivy  
League institutions d. golf courses

  11. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less  
you happen to be a old ethnic person, and you slept in it.

  12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?

Yes, if: a. you older than dirt b. you blind c. you shot a man in  
Memphis d. you can't be satisfied.

  No, if: a. you have all your teeth b. you were once blind but now  
can see c. the man in Memphis lived d. you have a 401K or trust fund.

  13. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck.  
Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white  
people also got a leg up on the blues.

  14. If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline, it's  
the Blues.

  Other acceptable Blues beverages are: a. cheap wine b. whiskey or  
bourbon c. muddy water . d. nasty black coffee.

  The following are NOT Blues beverages: a. Perrier b. Chardonnay c.  
Snapple d. Slim Fast.

  15. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a  
Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues  
way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse and dying  
lonely on a broken down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die  
during a tennis match or while getting liposuction.

  16. Some Blues names for women: a. Sadie b. Big Mama c. Bessie d.  
Fat River Dumpling.

  17. Some Blues names for men: a. Joe b. Willie c. Little Willie d.  
Big Willie.

  18. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Debbie, and Heather  
can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

  19. Make your own Blues name Starter Kit: a. name of physical  
infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.) b. first name (see above) plus  
name of fruit Lemon, Lime, Kiwi, etc.) c. last name of President  
(Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)

  For example: Blind Lime Jefferson, Jakeleg Lemon Johnson or Cripple  
Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not "Kiwi.")

  20. I don't care how tragic your life -- if you own a computer, you  
cannot sing the blues.

  21. People with the Blues eat barbecue, corn bread, beans, and  
their last meal.

  22. Good blues instruments: guitar, slide trombone, saxophone, and  
harmonica.

  23. Bad blues instruments: everything else, especially the oboe,  
french horn, and viola.

  24. You got the blues if you have lumbago or a bad back. You don't  
have the blues if you have a mental disorder ending in "syndrome."

  25. Black Jack is a good blues game. Keno is not a good blues game.

  26. Blues jobs include working on the railroad, picking cotton,  
musician, or just got fired.

  27. Blues animals include the junkyard dog and mule (not donkey).

  28. Epitaph on a blues musician's tombstone: "I didn't wake up this  
morning".

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