[Harp-L] One (sort of) newbie's perspective



I'm not sure that I'm still a newbie since I've been here a little while,
and have gotten to know some of you, made some good friends.
At any rate, I'd like to give my perspective on the issues of accuracy,
science, proof, arguments and opinions. To summarize it in one sentence, I'd
like to see a whole lot more respect. Most of the people who post frequently
on the list are very knowledgeable. Most of the opinions expressed by them
have some merit. Research is very valuable and carries a lot of weight, but
people who disagree with it may be right under circumstances not covered by
the research.

Here are some more concrete suggestions:
1. Try to find something correct in a post with which you mostly disagree.
Start with the agreement, then move to the disagreement. This form of
discourse degrades less frequently.
2. Use "I" statements instead of "you" statements. It is old hat, but it
works. "I found that this technique worked for me," rather than "You are
wrong."
3. Use opinion language instead of fact language. The biggest part of
hearing is in the brain, not the ears. The brain is a wonderful instrument,
but it contains a whole host of expectations, biases, and memories. Science
suggests that we have a tremendous capacity to fill in what we expect. Many
witnesses have testified that they saw the same person leave a place (let's
say a bank) and then saw them running down the street, when they saw two
separate events, punctuated by some interruption, and their brain filled in
the missing information ... incorrectly.
4. Try not to press send in anger. Every time I have spoken or sent
something when I was angry, I have regretted it, at least in part. I try to
wait for clarity.

I only speak for me, but the strong arguments don't reassure me that the
record is being set straight. They lead me to be more reticent about posting
(I thought about this one a lot), more inclined to leave the list, and less
likely to recommend it. I don't mind disagreements, strong opinions, and
lots of information, but to make a musical metaphor, I'd like to feel more
comfortable coming on stage, feel more like a friend among friends.

To be clear, I'm not directing this post to anyone in particular. I don't
mean it as criticism, I mean it as one (sort of) newbie's set of opinions.

Aloha,
Drew



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