[Harp-L] Pride, humility, and mikestand adjustments

["Bob Laughlin" <rlaughlin@xxxxxxxxxxxx>]

After much painful consideration, I felt I must share the following with all of you. It is only with great trepidation that I do this, as I realize that my very reputation may be at stake here, and some may take this disclosure with no small amount of concern.

Many weary years, I fought with the problem of excessive pride. That's right. Excessive pride.

Night after night I struggled, before finally falling asleep, exhausted, due to the mental and emotional strain of my bedtime meditations. Truly, I could not sleep well unless I had engaged my innermost soul in these deliberations for a period of no less than 14 minutes every night.

It always began in the same way:

A voice within me saying "Am I proud, or am I humble?"

This question haunted me, driving me clearly almost to the point of insanity. Without resolving this most important query I had no peace, no "raison d'etre", no "jus'qu'a faire le petit boit". 

I began to reason within myself,,"If I am proud, then why am I discussing this within myself? Why not just be proud, and leave it at that? IF, however, I am not proud, but humble, why am I concerned about being proud?" At times, I also thought,,"If I am thinking about being proud, am I not humble? But then, if I think myself humble, am I not conversely also proud?". Then, there were times when I couldn't help thinking, as I drifted off to sleep,,"Would Miss December think I'm proud, or humble?". For the ensuing years, I would alternate between meditations on Miss December or meditations on pride.

One morning, as I was awaking, my clock radio having been tuned to an alternate station, one with many different speakers, I was listening to a man, one with whom I was not at that time familiar, a "Baba Yo-mama". As I listened, clouds of blissful joy began washing over me. I began to listen every morning henceforth, and then, one day, I made a committment, sending in the sum of five hundred dollars to procure for myself a secret phrase, known as a "mantra", by the use of which, when one feels pride creeping in, one immediately, through the process known to the devout as "conversion", becomes humble. I have used this phrase ever since, in almost every situation known to man, and found great success in my pursuit of humility. 

As Dr. Yo-mama has since gone on to the great clouds of joy, blissful inheritance, living forever in blissful monetary renumeration, fiscal responsibility, and fiduciary perpetude, I feel at this time I may share the magical mantra, the all-working phrase with you all, and ease my conscience, having felt, for many years, that this mantra was for all men for all time, as well as for myself.

Use this phrase wisely, sparingly, and only when needed:

BOOM-SHAKA-LAKA-LAKA

I repeat:

Boom-Shaka-Laka-Laka

Repeat this phrase three times, rapidly:

Boom-shaka-laka-laka
Boom-shaka-laka-laka
Boom-shaka-laka-laka

In order for this magical mantra to have the greatest effect, use it before every performance, harmonica, guitar, violin, mandolin,,whatever. Before introductions, while adjusting the mikestand, using this mantra, one will notice a great improvement in personal attitude and demeanor over the more widely used (overused) and mundane phrases such as "Everybody havin'a good time tonight?",,or "Anyone here from Schenectady?", or the increasingly less popular "Osama Bin Laden in the houuuse?"

Pride, pshaw,,a thing of the past, thanks to the help of Baba Yo-mama.

Credits to the Baba Yo-mama Foundation, Baba Yo-mama Enterprises, Baba Yo-mama Inc., Baba Yo-mama LLC.

Secondary credits to the late great James Brown, father of the funky chicken take-out.