[Harp-L] Blues names

["gowland" <mox1@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

Time to bring out this old chestnut:

HOW TO SING THE BLUES
( attrib. To Memphis Earlene Gray with help from Uncle Plunky )

Most blues begin « Woke up this morning » .« I got a good women » is a bad
way to begin the blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line.

I got a good women , with the meanest dog in town.

Blues are simple. After you have the first line right, repeat it. Then find
something that rimes - sort of.

I got a good women , with the meanest dog in town.
I got a good women , with the meanest dog in town.
He got teeth like Margaret Thatcher
and he weighs 500 pounds.

The blues are not about limitless choice.
Blues cars are Chevies and Cadillacs.
Other acceptable blues transportation is Greyhound bus or a southbound
train.
Walking plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixing to die.

Teenagers can't sing the blues. Adults sing the blues.
Blues adulthood means, old enough to get the electric chair if you shot a
man in Memphis.
You can have the blues in New York City, but not in Brooklyn or Queens.
Hard times in Vermont or North Dakota are just a depression.
Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still the best places to have the
blues.
You can't have the blues in an office or a shopping mall, the lighting is
wrong.

Good places for the blues :
a. the highway
b. the jailhouse
c. the empty bed

Bad places :
a. ashrams
b. gallery openings
c. weekends in the Hamptons

The following colours do not belong in the blues :
a. violet
b. beige
c. mauve

 No one will believe it's the blues if you wear a suit, unless you happen to
be an old black man.

 Do you have the right to sing the blues ?
Yes if : your first name is a southern state-like Georgia, your blind, you
shot a man in Memphis.

No if : you were once blind but now you can see, you're deaf, you have a
trust fund.

Neither Julio Iglesias nor Barbara Streisland can sing the blues.

If you ask for water and baby gives you gasoline, it's the blues.

Other blues beverages are :
a.wine
b. Irish whiskey
c. muddy water.

Blues beverages are not :
a. any mixed drink.
b. any wine kosher for Passover
c. Yoo Hoo ( all flavors )

Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is a blues way to die.
If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a blues death.
So is the electric chair, substance abuse or being denied treatment in an
emergency room.
It is not a blues death if you die during a liposuction treatment.

Some blues names for women :
a. Sadie
b. Big Mamma
c. Bessie

Some blues names for men :
a. Joe
b. Little Wille
c. Lightning

Persons with names like sierra or sequoia will not be permitted to sing the
blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

Other blues names (starters kit) name of a physical infirmity (blind,
cripple, asthmatic) first name (see above) or name of a fruit (lemon, lime,
kiwi) last name of president (Jefferson, Johnson, Filmore, etc..)

Thats all for now folks !
Mox


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