"Can I try one of your harps?"

[hippo@xxxxxxxxxx (Hugh Messenger)]

"Hey, can I try one of those harps?"

Does everyone else out there get asked this regularly?  Or, even worse,
have idiots at gigs just pick your harps up and start playing them?

I'm so touchy about this that I've had to buy a "spare" Ultimo in A for
other harp players to try out.  I hated saying "no" to genuinely interested
players who wanted to try one.

As for the usual "drunk at gig" scenario ... I've tried every approach to
stopping folk doing this, but still don't have a foolproof scheme.  Here
are my favourite lines, in no particular order ...

"Sure you can.  Oh, by the way, you might want to wash it out first, 'cos I
have <<insert disease here, AIDS works well>>."

"Sure, as long as I can spit in your mouth when you are done." (you can
modify the word "spit" to a more scatalogical verb if you like)

"Yeah, hang od a middit ... [FX: sniffff, snort, wipe nose on back of
wrist] ... YO, CHARLEY, whad key was that song id, the ode where I play a
harp through by dose?"  (this one always works well, as I have a long
running sinus problem and if they ask after just after a set, my nose is
ga-ron-teeeed to be running like a tap!)

"No.  **** off."

Please let me know if you have any effective snappy answers.  Assume the
person asking is drunk, probably doesn't play harp and I don't mind pissing
them off.  If we *all* start laying down the law, maybe we can Put A Stop
To This!

I know one guy that keeps a box of real cheap Chinese diatonics in his bag,
and just gives them one of those for free.  One day, when I'm rich (ho ho)
I'll make up a batch of custom printed, decent harps for this purpose.
Kind of expensive business cards!

   -- hugh